July 7th
I've been working on my book lately, The Angry Filmmakers Survival Guide, so last night I decided to go through my old journal and see if there was anything in there that I could use. Man, what a fucking whiner! I can't believe some of the stuff I was writing. How did some of you people stick with it?
There was some interesting stuff. The pieces about actually making the movies were okay, and they took me to a place that was fun to revisit. But all of that talk about no money, and no one returning my calls... I think I have inhabited the same place for the last 5 years. I mean I am still deep in debt, and I still have trouble getting work, even if the stuff I have done has won awards. I am still suffering the same frustrations I was when I started my on line journal. Why is that?
I know I am still frustrated when people don't return my phone calls. I know that when you meet or deal with distributors many of them are still full of shit. And I know that I'm still really angry about all of this film stuff. But have I become this bitter whinny guy? It's making me think...
I mean, the best stuff in the whole world (besides my kid), for me is still making movies. And I know I've been through a lot. (For those of you who don't know, I closed up my studio space and now work out of my house. I am trying to sell my second car, which is my favorite, a rare 1974 BMW 3.0 CS, that I had hoped to fix up one day, I need the money.) I'm working like crazy on my touring and the self distribution of my movies, but I'm not sure how far I've gotten in 5 years.
I made Birddog because I didn't want to be some old guy sitting in a bar saying, "I coulda made a movie...". I did it. And I'm proud of it and everything that has come after it. The ups have been way up, the downs have been way down. Am I still having fun? Or has this become my job? Would I sell out if offered a decent budget? I'm not sure of the answers to any of this. What I do know is that I'm pushing 49, I have no retirement, no money in the bank, and I'm heavily in debt. I have tried different routes to get to the same destination. And I like to think I'm smarter. But I don't know if I am.
I guess these next few months will tell me... Thanks for indulging me, and hopefully you'll keep supporting me.
I know, this one is kind of a downer, but we can't be happy all the time... I'll snap out of it.
There was some interesting stuff. The pieces about actually making the movies were okay, and they took me to a place that was fun to revisit. But all of that talk about no money, and no one returning my calls... I think I have inhabited the same place for the last 5 years. I mean I am still deep in debt, and I still have trouble getting work, even if the stuff I have done has won awards. I am still suffering the same frustrations I was when I started my on line journal. Why is that?
I know I am still frustrated when people don't return my phone calls. I know that when you meet or deal with distributors many of them are still full of shit. And I know that I'm still really angry about all of this film stuff. But have I become this bitter whinny guy? It's making me think...
I mean, the best stuff in the whole world (besides my kid), for me is still making movies. And I know I've been through a lot. (For those of you who don't know, I closed up my studio space and now work out of my house. I am trying to sell my second car, which is my favorite, a rare 1974 BMW 3.0 CS, that I had hoped to fix up one day, I need the money.) I'm working like crazy on my touring and the self distribution of my movies, but I'm not sure how far I've gotten in 5 years.
I made Birddog because I didn't want to be some old guy sitting in a bar saying, "I coulda made a movie...". I did it. And I'm proud of it and everything that has come after it. The ups have been way up, the downs have been way down. Am I still having fun? Or has this become my job? Would I sell out if offered a decent budget? I'm not sure of the answers to any of this. What I do know is that I'm pushing 49, I have no retirement, no money in the bank, and I'm heavily in debt. I have tried different routes to get to the same destination. And I like to think I'm smarter. But I don't know if I am.
I guess these next few months will tell me... Thanks for indulging me, and hopefully you'll keep supporting me.
I know, this one is kind of a downer, but we can't be happy all the time... I'll snap out of it.
posted by The Angry Filmmaker at 3:23 PM
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