I actually wrote this on the 29th of December and I'm just getting around to posting it. I have not done any editing on it since I wrote it, I kind of like it raw.
December 29, 2009
Could this be my last blog posting of 2009? Who knows? I just got a wild hair up my ass and have a few things I want to say.
I have been reading all of these year end, decade end, lists and I find a lot of them annoying. I don't really care what the top 5 songs of 2009 are, probably because they're not the songs I'm listening to. And the top 5 movies, TV shows, the decade's best... Who cares? It's someone filling up space for a deadline either in a newspaper or on-line.
I have read a few film folks talking about what they think are the important books, or films, or movements, or people of the last year and it seems like they all have some connection to the people they are recommending. They wrote introductions to their books, gave them quotes, or hung out with them at parties. Basically I don't believe a lot of what the so called independent film people think. They are too busy patting each other on the back and telling each other how fucking great they think they are to really matter in my world. You know my world, the one where we work are asses off every day and make things happen. Then other people discover what we've been doing all along and try to claim it as their own.
I really wish I had time to hang out in New York, LA, or jet to all of these film festivals and hang out and tell you all about the cool things I'm doing, but in reality I am working. I'm making a living and trying to put my kid in school.
You know what, I used to go to various conferences and film festivals and I found out that they're all kind of the same. Most of the people that are at the big ones don't make films. They talk about all of the things they're working on and talk about the films they've seen and who they think is cool and who they have been hanging out with. But they're not making films.
Now I have to admit that I haven't made a film recently either. I've been working on promoting my book and my tours, and I really think I need to make another film soon. (I have been writing and a couple of my friends have read my most recent screenplay and I got great feed back and so I am in the midst of re-writing.) All these years down the road I always come back to the same thing. I don't make movies to hang out and go to festivals. I make movies because I love making movies and I have these stories I need to tell. I get my films out myself because I don't think someone else will do as good a job as I will. My films mean a lot to me. They're like my kids only I don't have to put them through college.
You know, when I used to go to those conferences and the film festivals I never felt comfortable. I'm also the guy who doesn't even like to go to his own premiers. I'd rather be writing or working on something new.
But the business doesn't work that way anymore. We have to go out and promote, let people know what we're doing. I'm very lucky because now I get invited to film festivals and I get to speak at them. I get to try and pass on some of the knowledge I have gained over the years. I don't ever want to lose that feeling of being an outsider at so-called “independent” film festivals. I want people to feel comfortable coming up and talking to me.
I would rather be at a small film festival with people who love movies then go to Sundance or any of those other famous festivals. At smaller festivals I get to meet people who are making movies for the same reasons I do. It's also why I like touring. I get to interact with my audiences a lot, and that's something that these “Independent” filmmakers and producers don't understand. They have set up their own little kingdoms and have forgotten what it's like (if they ever knew) to struggle and put everything they have in to their movies. They're too busy taking credit for other people's ideas and wondering who they're going to hang out with next.
I want to salute all of the real filmmakers out there who don't give a shit what the people in New York or LA think about them or their work. We'll never be featured in the cool magazines or be wined and dined in those towns. We'll just be making out films. And that's much more important.
Have a Happy New Year and I sure as hell hope that 2010 is better than 2009. 2009 sucked!
Take care, talk later.
Kelley
www.angryfilmmaker.com
